That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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