Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
