I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize