dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
