I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
