We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
