I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize