Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
high people should be assigned attendants
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize