wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
