why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
