You smell like a Billy Joel song
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
