3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
