wat bout pragnant strippers??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
