I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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