Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
