Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
