I faked an abortion last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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