He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize