Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
