Who did Billy Mays play for?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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