I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
