The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
