so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
