His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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