Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
