I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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