I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
