I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
