Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
