Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
