i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
