Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
