dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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