Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
