She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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