Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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