Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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