I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Two words: blizzard sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
