Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am available for nakedness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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