He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
