If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
