We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
