i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
