When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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