____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
