I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
