When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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