he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
