On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
