A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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