weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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