Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
