if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
