Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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