Four minutes until I can fart!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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