i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
