Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
These tits shall not be calmed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
