This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
