apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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