Need sex. Gaining weight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
