tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
