Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
