so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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