that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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