We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
