sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
