hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize