You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I still have a little drunk in my system
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
