When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
