Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
