Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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